Letting go of resentment is easier said than done. You may feel resentment toward people who disappointed or betrayed you. You may feel completely validated in how you feel...but at the same time, this energy can take such a toll. It might taint the way you perceive relationships, and it can stunt you in forming new, secure attachments.
Is It Necessary to Let Go of Resentment?
There's no hard rule that you have to release resentment to feel good in your life. However, many people find that feeling resentful comes with steep emotional consequences: they may feel more stressed, angry, and "stuck" in past dynamics or events.
Subsequently, letting go of past resentment can support:
better mental and physical health
building a secure peace of mind
living in the present moment and appropriately orienting yourself to the future
the ability to practice gratitude more effectively
an overall reduction of negative emotions
How to Let Go of Resentment
First things first- you're entitled to have your resentment. It's yours, and nobody can take it from you. You have a right to feel anger or even hatred toward another person. It's important to own your autonomy and feel a sense of control over your relationships.
With that said, you may also feel tired of the magnitude of your resentment. So, if you want to make a conscious decision to let go of some of the intense emotions, here are some guidelines that may help:
Let Yourself Feel Your Emotions
Resentment encapsulates so many other emotions. In many ways, it represents an umbrella of anger, disappointment, humiliation, hurt, and even shame. These negative feelings are uncomfortable, but they are normal responses that can happen when needs go unmet.
Paradoxically, in allowing yourself to truly feel the gravity of your emotions, you move through them (this is what it means to process feelings). Over time, they tend to feel less sharp and chaotic. They may even open natural paths for forgiveness, compassion, and softness.
Consider Your Part in the Dynamic
It's very easy to focus on how other people wronged you. And, in many cases, assigning that responsibility is important. This is especially true in cases of abuse. You truly may have been the victim in a vulnerable situation.
In other situations, you may still be playing an active part in an unhealthy dynamic. For example, maybe you didn't set solid boundaries from the start. Or, you enabled problematic behavior that later spiraled into intense anger. Maybe, at times, your ego got the best of you.
Acknowledging your part is an important sign of emotional maturity. It can also help you practice empathy and cultivate forgiveness in your interpersonal dynamics.
Focus on Trying to Understand Their Perspective
If you want to genuinely let go of resentment, you may have to practice perspective-taking. This allows you to experience a sense of empathy for the other person and their life circumstances.
The goal here isn't to necessarily condone why someone did what they did to you. The goal is simply to build a context or even adopt a third-person perspective on what happened.
You may consider asking, How was this person trying to meet their own needs? Or, What prompted them to act in such a way? Or, How can I still find the good in this person?
These answers may not necessarily "fix" how you feel. However, they can open space for more compassion. Ultimately, when we have compassion for another person, the resentment (and the recurring thoughts of anger) tend to lessen.
Surround Yourself With Healthier Relationships
One of the best ways to let go of resentment is to focus your efforts on cultivating inner peace. You can do this by prioritizing spending time with people who genuinely care for you. Good relationships support your mental health, and they offer profound meaning in life.
Sometimes this naturally helps you shift your focus away from feeling angry toward a particular person. That's because you simply have more space to take in love and joy. With that, there's a greater sense of wholeness and connectivity.
Letting Go of Anger and Resentment With Resurface Group
Relationships can be complicated. Loved ones can really hurt us, and those wounds often run deep. Embracing forgiveness isn't always the right move, but if you chronically feel resentful, it may be time to look inward and determine if it's worth trying on a new perspective.
At Resurface Group, we help people recover from trauma, mental illness, and substance use disorders. Letting go of resentment toward yourself- and toward others- is often a part of the growth process. This supports your well-being and propels you to move forward in life.
Anger has its relevance, but when left unchecked, it can make you feel constantly dysregulated, lonely, and "stuck." Regardless of your specific circumstances, we are here to support you. Contact us today to learn more about our dynamic programs, including Resurface Connect.
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